Comfort After the Madness
by Tazmy
Summary: Phantoms tag from Teyla's view. Short


Teyla was never much for staying still.

Confined to the infirmary, she tapped the sheets, swept back her hair, poured water, opened and closed her laptop, and continued to find something—anything—to do. Eventually, Nurse Cindy insisted she settle down and take a nap. Teyla closed her eyes, but minutes later found herself thumbing through a nearby magazine. A low moan caught her attention.

"Rodney?"

Noticing the perspiration on her friend's sleeping face, she pressed the call button. Cindy glanced at her as though to ask_ why are you still awake?_ before increasing the dose of pain medication on Rodney's IV. She then checked on Ronon stats before leaving with a smile.

"Get some sleep, Teyla."

Minutes later and the infirmary was quiet but for John's snores. Though he had managed to not incur any injuries, only inflict them --and those hadn't been his fault – he'd taken up a bed next to Rodney's and refused to leave.

Beckett hadn't even tried convincing the colonel to leave the infirmary, and had perched himself in the closest chair where he too rested peacefully. They had been through their own individual hells and now their only comfort was in sharing a room together.

As far as missions went, this one had been a travesty, and though she tried, she couldn't wipe the images from her mind.

Rubbing her sore arm, Teyla recalled John's vacant expression as he dragged her through the wilderness, lost in some other world, trying to protect a man who was already dead. She knew he carried pain within him as a burden on his soul, but rarely had he showed its depths. It was not a memory he would have chosen to share and Teyla had felt like little more than a voyeur watching him engage in the illusion. He had looked through her as though she wasn't there.

And then John had shot Rodney.

Teyla had tried to stop it…had even pushed the weapon away. Time froze. Rodney swung around and fell to the ground. She was sure her heart had stopped.

The heart monitor beeped, reminding her that Rodney was still alive.

Teyla rubbed her eyes. She longed for rest, to lose herself in sleep, but something held her back. She wanted nothing more than to lay her head against the pillow and wade into the world of unconsciousness. Instead she stared up at the dimmed lights, tapping her index finger in rhythm to Ronon's breaths.

There was nothing she could have said. Nothing she could have done. Teyla had tried everything humanly possible to break John from his illusion, but in the end it was to no avail. He was so lost in past pain that Teyla could not free him and thus could not free herself.

Her leg ached. Her body felt like little more than lead. Still, she refused to sleep.

She had never feared her team before, not while they weren't possessed. She had never dreamed of Sheppard dragging her through the forest, convinced he was saving her life even as he was risking it. Watching him fire at Ronon who was in turn firing on John in return. It was perhaps worse than any nightmare her mind could concoct.

After each mission, Heightmeyer would ask each of them what they took away from it. Teyla always answered with sincerity, but she hated what her answer would be this time..

"_For the first time in my life, I feared not the enemy, but my own team."_

She wondered if Rodney's answer would be similar.

Sheppard's snores could wake the dead. She glanced at him, wondering what he took away from this mission. Guilt? Hurt? Healing? Teyla suspected it was a bit of everything. One thing was for sure, none of them could walk away unscarred, and it was the invisible pain that would hurt the most.

She tossed the magazine to the floor, repositioning herself as much as her injured limb allowed. They were alive and they were family. Perhaps broken and mangled, but a family nonetheless. This had only been one mission.

One mission.

Forcing her troubled gaze away from John, Teyla straightened the blankets across her chest. Her team was here by each other's side and that was all that mattered. They would continue to trust and love because they had gained too much to lose it now. Maybe they could even use this to grow closer? If nothing else, surely there was consolation in each other's presence?

Comforted by this, Teyla relaxed against her pillow. Glancing at Rodney, Ronon, Carson, and John as they slept, she felt her own eyes drift closed. There was indeed some peace here as she allowed the monitors to lull her to sleep.


End file.
